Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Traces of Spring Beauty

It is so hard to stay glum during spring. The world is awaking and I am in bliss. I've been living in such a fairy world of late with stories and books and flowers. 
Every detail of Spring makes me happy. 
The smiling sun. 
The tender warmth. 
The tiny creatures. 
And yes, 
of course,
 the flowers. 

Which reminds me, I had such a glorious thought the other day. Here I was surrounded by the colors in nature. Then: the what if idea hit. 

What if in the new Heavens and the New Earth there are more colors? 

Maybe the colors we see aren't the only colors. Maybe other colors exist that we have no idea about. Maybe there is a whole other color wheel? 
Isn't that just a crazy idea?

Sounds like the type of idea that starts a novel. 

I used to always think about ideas for novels but I had to train myself to turn that side of my brain off. Whenever I'd be in the middle of a good novel I'd think of a better idea. The chain went on and I never finished any novel at all.
So that is why I had to train myself not to think. 

It is a lot easier training yourself to think than training yourself not to. Trust me. 

Well, now that I've spilled out some of my crazy thoughts, I really was simply just planning on sharing these pictures because they are pretty not because I had much to say. 
Enjoy the blooming Spring!


Saturday, April 25, 2015

What Makes Me Grumpy

I have a cold: 
a hard to breathe, 
throat aching, 
ear plugging,
 eye watering,
 headache of a cold. 
The worst part of all was the two days last week that I had no voice. Catastrophe of catastrophes! I can survive not talking, but not being able to sing is unbearable. My life at home is a musical, kind of. I'm always humming or singing to myself but without a voice the world becomes silent. 

I hate silence. I want: words - voices - music - answers -

To be honest, it surprised me how grumpy a cold could make me. When the cold was not going away, I decided that God was trying to teach me something. But I just found silence: frustrating, irregular, steady silence.

When I get sick... I don't like to rest. I want to go and do everything and imagine I feel fine but with this cold after a week of suffering I decided to chill out a little and I read two books. They were just old fashioned lovely long novels, but they made me happy and reminded me how wonderful books are all over again. Books make me so happy. 
They just do.

Right now, I have moved on to a more modern book. I am also working quite faithfully on my novel, or as faithfully as possible with school. I am almost done with the first step of editing which is so exciting. This is going to sound stuck up, but I love my book. Since I wrote it in a month, I did not have time to bond with it like I do all my other novels, but now I'm in love with it. 
Ok, enough of my quirky author talk.

And then it was in a dark hour on my bed one night this week when my cold {horrid rascal} was keeping me up that I got my answer.

I was thinking back to an earlier talk I had with a friend who has tons of medical problems. We were talking lightly about the future and our silly plans and my friend goes, 

I really want kids, but I don't want them to go through what I do.

In only those few words everything came together in my mind. What do I say to that? Here I am complaining about a cold when so many people have way worse issues. So when I am asking God why this cold won't leave, that was His answer. 

~STOP complaining about your miniscule troubles, when so many others have real ones~

What I do with my chemistry book when I should be reading

If only I could step out of my little showers and see other peoples storms. I have it super easy, but even after thinking this I continue to walk downstairs groggily and snap at my siblings and hate the world just because I missed an hour of sleep from coughing. 
So I am learning and that is all I can say today,
but maybe someday I can say more. 


Friday, April 17, 2015

Enter Teen

Soooo: my plan right now is to post twice a week. One post will be a long ramble with photography or drawings and one post will be just a short snippet from my novel or imagination journal. Here is a snippet from my journal...

A Teenager:

A baby and an old man twisted inside one body,
A blooming flower scared of its own shadow,
A hater of anything that reminds it of itself,
A game piece without a player.

But we break it 
And bruise it 
And tear it
One moment

And leave the future in its hands
 the next.
Then we laugh when those hands falter under the weight

And we miss the fact that this baby/old man in one body is the very thing
we have started to
c r e a t e

(Before you go please check out Carebelle's latest post featuring me here)


Monday, April 13, 2015

That One Lie We All Believe

Sometime or another in everyone's life we fall for those life-shaking lies:

I do not belong

I am not cool

I am unloved.

It could come from something as small as an icy-eyed glare or a social media comment to something as big as losing a friendship, but wherever it comes from, it is a L I E.
Spring photo shoot = blast

Over and over God tells us that we are loved. We are special. We are cool. We are His. So why is it so hard to trust Him? Isn't that enough?

Not so long ago, I was trying to balance with my schedule and fit in time to take care of some little kids while their mom was in surgury and help another friend who needed me. That is when it first hit me. 
Maybe I am not always loved but... 

I   A M   N E E D E D

So in those moments when you feel lonely and hated, I promise one thing: you are needed. 

Your family needs you. Your friends need you.  The world needs you.

(And being needed is sort of the same thing as being loved even if the people that need you don't always see that)

Somewhere in my whirlwind of thoughts, my Sunday School teacher popped into my head.

She made a ginormous impact on me at a young age. When I was little, for some reason, she took notice of me. 
She taught me how to care.

She would take me out to dinner every once in a while. After she picked me up in her big black car, we would go to my favorite cafe and sit on the high bar stools because I thought they were cool. When we finished dinner, she took me to the Grocery Store and let me pick out my favorite candy. 

In her car on the way back home, I told her stories. Long never-ending stories. She would sit there and listen as if they were the most beautiful stories she had ever heard. And they weren't. But she made me beleive they were. 
The only story I actually remember was one called "Why We Have Belly Buttons." It had something to do with God poking stomachs with a stick. Don't ask! My point is: they were crazy stories. I am not sure how she could listen, but she always did. 
She sat. 
She listened.
She cared.
Where would I be today if she hadn't? Maybe I would have given up creating storied altogether.

One year for the annual church talent show, my Sunday school teacher and I played an "Edelweiss" duet together and I sang. As a little girl, I felt so honored to play with her.

What I did not realize then and only noticed in a home video I watched many years later, was that during our performance there were sparkling tears slipping down her cheek.

So even if you are just taking a little girl out to dinner, you could be changing a life. Even if you are just listening, just being there for someone: 
You are needed.
You are   L O V E D.


Friday, April 10, 2015

The Truth About Homeschooling

I am carrying on a conversation with the curly-haired cashier at the grocery store. All is going first. And then she asks it. The. Dreaded. Question. That question I try to avoid every time I go out. 

Where do you go to school? 

They always ask it, every single time. To most kids around the world this question is not so bad, but for me. Well, the same process follows every time. 
I tell the cashier that I am homeschooled. 
She smiles uneasily, eyes grow wide, and says, "That's nice," in a tone suddenly different than before.
From then on the conversation either falls apart, or the questions come. Oh and boy do they come! They come one after another. Brutal slaps in the face. 
Do you like it?
Do you do your school in your pjs? 
How do you make friends? 
Why do you do that? 
Is that even legal

So today I have decided to tell the truth about homeschooling, the truthful answers. I am not saying everyone should home school. I am not saying everyone should not. Homeschooling is different for every situation and I can only speak to mine. 

First off, homeschooling is hard. I love it but there are so many struggles. Here are the top three hardest parts. 

1. Everybody labels me as a weirdo and a judge. Yeah, I may be a weirdo but I am not going to judge someone just because they don't have the same education as I do. Homeschooling does not define who I am, God does. 

2. My education is my responsibility. I do not have a teacher telling me what I need to be doing all day long. That's is pretty hard. It means I have to teach myself. I have teachers and a mom but they are not there all week. 

3. Peer pressure. Haha. This is going to sound funny but most homeschoolers are super smart. I feel like there is a lot of pressure to be if we have to prove the government education wrong. Let's be honest: homeschoolers are typically wiz kids. I am not sure how or why, but I do know that I do not fall into that category. 

So those are the hard parts, but I'm sure there hard parts about any school, and I think homeschooling is pretty easy in comparison. 

But there are also lies about homeschooling. Now, I cannot speak for everyone. I can only speak for myself, but just about everything that happens in public schools happens in the homeschool world too. Yeah, surprise surprise. Sin is everywhere. 

So, some people say homeschoolers are living outside real life. They are not in the real world every single day. They are not preparing for reality. I have thought about this a lot...but the more I thought about it the less I agreed. A school full of kids the same age is not reality. When we graduate and get jobs we are going to be independent. We will not be working with are peers and a teacher. Homeschooling prepares you for responsibility. Just some thoughts. 

One lie about homeschooling is that lie about not having friends. Homeschooling does not technically mean schooling at home. (despite the name) Through all the years that I have homeschooled I have worked with friends. I have always had friends to do school with. Co-ops have saved me. I am not saying I haven't been lonely before. I have been, but I was lonely because I was different and because I moved away from bunches of friends. I would have been lonely no matter what education I got. 

Lastly, I want to make one thing clear and final. Just because I am homeschooled does not mean I don't go through the same things everyone else does. 
I am still human
 I promise. 

So yes, I admit, I still try to avoid going shopping during school hours and I still dread those questions, but if you are homeschooled let me tell you something. Be thankful because that is an amazing gift that most people don't have, and I know it is hard. Being different often is, but being different can be super cool too.


Comment bellow any questions you have. Don't forget to follow!

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Sweet 16

We toured all day and we are exhausted. Stinky sweaty zombies, we pile into the car, but me and my friend exchange all knowing smiles. Her dad starts the engine...and that is the pivotal moment. He notices a bright orange slip of paper folded underneath the windshield wiper. All of us wait as he hops back out, takes the paper, and reads it. His shoulders drop and we hear him let out a sighhh. Parking ticket. Then he flips it over and reads the sprawled words across the back and he smiles. My friend and I cannot suppress it any longer. We fall over laughing. 
April Fools!

I hate those annoying moments when I make a joke and everybody stares at me in if I am not liable to a good sense of humor. That actually happens a lot for some reason, but those people just do not know that I am constantly cracking jokes at home. This April Fools was no different. 

This April Fools was a very special day. Our friends came eleven hours to spend Spring break with us. My friend and I have known each other since we were babies...yes, babies. We went touring and shopping on April Fools. To top all that off, it was the first day that I was 16. 

You heard me. With all the wild activities and insane April fools, I became 16, a very pivotal moment in my little world.

My birthday started when I was almost asleep and my friend fell on top of me, started bouncing on me, and singing happy birthday. It was 12:00. Afterwards, I thanked her, hugged her, and fell asleep.

For my birthday we baked a cake. My friend and I always bake has become a kind of tradition. We have decided if all else fails, we will set up a bakery one day together. So we found a recipe on her phone, raided the pantry, and created the best masterpiece of all cake history. At first we followed the recipe...but then there was not enough chocolate, and then it was not sweet enough, and then what's a chocolate cake without chocolate chips? 

Before I know it the day is closing and the cake is lit like a blazing bowl and they are singing Happy Birthday to me all around while I stand there awkwardly. Awkward because for once I am not the one singing. Then I suck in my breath.


And for the first time in forever, I blow all the candles out at once. I deserve major bonus points. This is the first time...which is kinda sad. Don't tell anyone.

After that, there are many beautiful emails from friends I never expected would remember my birthday, two sweet phone calls, and special gifts that I will treasure forever. Everything was perfect...

until it began to sink in. I was lying the dark and the truth hit me. There was no turning back. So my little life was shaken, and in bed at night it began to feel real. 
I am disaster, a crazy disaster. I am one of the weirdest 16 year old out there, but I cannot wait to live this next year and make my 16th year memorable. 
And I cried 
And I laughed
And I rededicated my faulty self to my Lord
So there
 is the story of how I became 16.


This week I had the joy of reaching 3000 views on my blog. So exciting! Please comment bellow what your favorite birthday memory is, and don't forget to follow my blog!