Wednesday, May 27, 2015


So we're barefoot Indians at my house. Hot. Wild. Almost free... free once the school is finished. We're chasing stories and sharing them, me and my sisters. Swapping books. Waiting for the pool to open. Loving the summer that has hardly begun. I've been finding my photography style and working on my novel. Summer here I come!

~where the stories come alive and the stars shine down on me at night

~magic birdbath that holds the sky in its clasp

~fir trees

~wild flowers

~ wise old willow


~photographer's perspective

~trees trying to reach the sky

~lunch on the porch basking in the sun

{ if only}

if only humans could fly

if only stars could be touched

if only babies didn't cry

if only there wasn't something called goodbye

but the worlds only spun once

and words often echo that lie

and we can fly on dream's back

so fly // fly // fly

Just a wish...


Wednesday, May 20, 2015

My Somphmore Year {history}

Ok. I haven't posted very regularly. I apologize. My life has been loaded with craziness. First we had company. Grandparents. An Aunt. And then out of town friends. All of that was followed by exams. Then graduation. And now? I am done with school...or sort of done. 
I still have Algebra to burden me all summer. 
Math is my raincloud that follows me wherever I go. We, Math and I, are not friends. The only thing acquainted with math that is my friend is... my calculator. And my calculator and I happen to be  wonderful friends!

Leaving my sophomore year behind should be amazing but I am not parting with it easily. I loved my Sophomore year. Yes, I loved it even with Chemistry. I learned a lot from my Chemistry class. 

1. I am not as smart as I thought I was. 
2. There is a wonderful world of numbers and equations out there
3. A world that I will never understand 

Besides Chemistry, this school year was lovely. And now, knowing that it's leaving forever and so are too many of my friends...I am sort of sorry to see it go. Yes, even Chemistry. 

Another sad part about moving on is that so many of my good friends are graduating this year. One of them happens to be my brother. 
Zach and I have experienced this whole education adventure side by side. In other words, next year will be the first time in MY LIFE that Zach won't be around to take my school books and hog the computer or help me study and answer the questions in class.  When's a bigger time to realize your growing up than when you find out your classmate for life is going to college next year. I feeldreadfully old. 

I guess I should say something about my big brother... I could say a lot. Zach and I have always been close. When we were little, we did every single thing together. His friends were mine. Even now, when we study, we end up talking like grown ups and that cool sibling bond is still there even though we are almost complete opposites. I hate the idea of his leaving our family, leaving it to be full of little girls and girl talk and girl stuff. Sometimes I just need a practical brother to even out all the girlishness in my family. Sounds strange coming from a girl, but that's how I feel. 
  Zach reminds me constantly not to be weird. Or maybe reminds isn't the right word, he pleads. He is always my dose of reality after I am lost in another world.

To sum it all up:
my big

So, yep, that has kinda been a picture of my life lately. I've been super emotional and not social enough and I think if I'm not careful this summer I may become a hermit. Ok, one day at home doesn't make you a hermit. I exaggerate to much. Yep, that's another thing Zach always reminds me about. Next year will be...well... different without him. 


Warning / / Reminder / / Plea

water colors are a blast but in my fun I accidentally put the shadow in the wrong spot...ooops

She is sitting on a bench, people all around her.
Tight circles of chattery teens, and she's alone. So she tiptoes up to a group. That's bravery for her, bravery is going up to a circle. She waits for them to open up their world and let her {nervous insecure lost} in, but they don't see her. She is invisible,
 and sometimes invisible is mistaken as worthless. So she retreats, curls back up, recoils into her own world because that is the only place where she is 
s o m e b o d y.  

So, since a fellow blogger asked me to write about clicks and being dis-included, I finally got up enough courage too. I know my example seems a bit dramatic...and it is, but today I'm speaking out against clicks. 
I've been the one in the circle, the one blind to those girls on the bench, but I'm ashamed of that. Please step up and speak to the people on the benches. See those ones who aren't brave enough. Make someone feel special. Don't hurt a human by never taking time to see them! This is as much a reminder to me as it is to you. 

Loneliness can either build a human or break a human. 

I remember when I was about thirteen staring at the mirror and asking,

"What is wrong with me?" 

Through the reflection I saw the tiny tearfilled face of someone broken. I shook with sobs because I didn't understand why I was invisible to everyone and why I felt so alone. 

But loneliness broke me on the outside, and built me up in the inside. God took me from the world and brought me closer to Him. I found a new relationship with Him, a friendship. 

God never forsakes. 

I'm living proof of that. Everyday I wonder how God, the maker of each beautiful detail in this galaxy, could notice me even when no one else could. It's a mystery, but a mystery I cannot even begin to solve. 

So today, I dare each one of you to see and walk up to those people on the benches, and look past the walls that separate you and them. When God created us, He didn't decide who would be cool, and who wouldn't. Each one of us He created specially and wonderfully made. 
Just a reminder.


Saturday, May 9, 2015


Sorry, I haven't posted in a while. Here is something I wrote for Mother's Day. 

On Mother's Day the kids clean up the kitchen while Dad goes to talk to his Mom on the phone. The first words we hear from the other room are, "Hey Mom! Happy Mothers Day! Aren't you glad you had me?"
Haha. Yep, that would be my Dad. 

When I was little I remember watching my Mom make dinner, watching her create soup as if she was born knowing  how to:
 I tilt my head and tell her,
"I want to be just like you when I grow up!"
And I wasn't just saying it to be nice. 
I meant it with all my heart.
She looks up and stops stirring to smile but shakes her head, "I hope you are a lot better than me." 
I am confused. 
To me my mom is the angel who sits up in the blue chair at night to keep the monsters away while I sleep. 
My mom is the doctor who always knows how to help me feel better.
My mom is the cook who created macaroni and cheese, my favorite meal, when Daddy can't even make an egg.
My mom is the teacher who makes spelling tests and math promblems not so bad after I thought they were impossible.
I see her as a beautiful hero. That hero I want to be just like.

So when do parents become the villians? Why are there so many evil step mothers in the stories? Where does a mom go from the good guy to the bad guy in our culture?

Its not Mom that changes, its us, us kids.
I think that as we get older we begin to see the monsters that nobody can keep away. We start to see the illnesses in the world that Mom can never heal. We begin discovering the meals outside Mac and Cheese that Mom can't make. (Unless your mom is as an amazing cook as mine) We struggle through school that Mom can't help us with. Suddenly our mothers become less hero, more regular. 

But a mother isn't anything short of a hero. That is what mine shows me everyday. 
Heroes aren't always the ones fighting the dragons...sometimes they are just the ones up late at night cleaning the kitchen.
And of all the thing my Mom has taught me, one of the most important is that Motherhood is special. She's taught me that there are heroic jobs and dreams out there in the world, but none of them is as beautiful as being a Mommy. 

So, Mom, I still want to be just like you. I know I can never be a better Mother though.

Saturday, May 2, 2015

A Blessing

April in an amazing month.
Here is a list of 10 small blessings...

1. M U S I C
Aren't you in love with this dusty, creaky piano that I have? I can never play on any piano quite the same as this one. There is no other piano like it, for better or for worse. 

2. S I S T E R 
I'm really thankful for this stubborn, blunt little sister I have who is always a good model. (Even if you have to bribe her with mints)

3. F L O W E R S
Yep, flowers make me happy and my tiny rose bush is starting to grow again. I just love seeing the world awaken.

4. P H O T O G R A P H Y 
Aren't eyes just a blast to take pictures of? Photo credit to my sister. These are her eyes with no makeup, so gorgeous! 

5. D R E A M S
I am not sure where I would be without my dreams for company. 

6. G R A N D P A R E N T S
The older I get the more I appreciate my grandparents. They listen and care, and listeners are rare these days. 

7. S U N
I drive my family crazy because I don't like blinds or sunglasses. Sunshine is just too wonderful to shut out.

8. F R U I T
What else is there to say? Fruit is amazing.

9. W A L K

On grey days when the world acts depressed, I do not like walks, but when the world brightens, I am all for them.

10. G R O W
This month I turned 16, Spring came, and everything beautiful is growing. I am totally thankful for that.